2 weeks!

..till we move into our new house :D woot! the excitement builds. today we went to check it out and it was the first time i went inside since they've semi-finished the inside with the walls painted and stuff. took some pics to compare with about a month ago. quite a difference.. lotsa progress!

can't wait!

i almost think that the way i've been feeling these last 3 months has manifested itself in my physical health these past few days. somaticizer.. that's the term for ppl who express their feelings through bodily symptoms.

i feel like andrew largeman in garden state. so numb to everything.

my eating is all messed up. i have no appetite. can't enjoy what things taste like even tho i do taste it. i feel like i wanna throw up whenever i'm eating and sometimes even when i'm not eating. i haven't felt hungry in 4 days.

being able to taste food but not being able to enjoy it is the suck. it's like hearing the word of God but not being able to relate to it or apply it. it's like knowing God is there but not being able to experience Him. it's like this passage..

9 He said, "Go and tell this people: " 'Be ever hearing, but never understanding; be ever seeing, but never perceiving.' 10 Make the heart of this people calloused; make their ears dull and close their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts, and turn and be healed." Isaiah 6:9-10

has my heart been calloused? have my ears been dull and my eyes closed?

it's time for some turning and healing.

strange thought occured to me the other day. you know when you have a disapproving or judgmental thought about someone. i think of how i have these thoughts about other ppl. but it came to my mind that ppl might also have those thoughts about me. actually not might.. i'm sure ppl do have those thoughts about me. it was like something new to me. i've never thought about how ppl may be judging me negatively. i mean.. i have thought about how ppl may be judging me as in.. am i doing something good or effective. but it occured to me that ppl may just be having plain ill thoughts about me. hmm.. i'd like to say that i don't think these thoughts much about ppl. but who am i to judge? like.. what counts as a lot of ill thoughts and what counts as little?

*randomness*