Purposelessness Purpose

We were Skyping with Sherene & Adrian last night.  It was so good to see them and catch up with them.  Although it's only been 3 weeks since they left, it feels much longer.

Something Adrian said really encouraged me.  He said that when people ask him about us he says that he has never seen Ry more in his element than he is right now.  I totally agreed with him.  With Ry being at Fuller and doing this academic stuff, I really haven't seen him more excited to be where he is and so happy to be doing what he is doing.  And for me, Adrian said that he also sees that I am much happier to be in California.  Not that I wasn't happy being in Toronto, surrounded by all my friends and family.  But I totally understood what he meant.  Despite having no job, no obvious "purpose", no income, less friends, and no family here, I am quite happy.  And I think it's because I know that we are in the centre of God's will.  And I remember learning somewhere a long time ago, that the happiest place to be is in the centre of God's will.  A few weeks ago I shared with Ry how I felt this sense of "purposelessness purpose" here in Cali.  Although I don't seem to have any "real" purpose living here besides supporting my husband while he does his PhD, I still feel so much purpose and meaning to being here.  I love that we are on this faith journey, leaning and relying on God every step of the way.  I don't think I would want it any other way.  That's why the thought of moving back to Toronto even saddens me.  Not that I wouldn't love to go back and be back with all my friends and family.  But even the fact that we have very few friends here is like a stretching experience.  It may be building our character without us even knowing it.

I have no idea how long we are going to last out here.  But for as long as we do, I'm going to embrace this adventure and look ahead at the open horizon of possibilities.

Good Friday

Yesterday was Good Friday and we went to Epicentre's Good Friday Service. I haven't been to a Good Friday Service in so long. They did something different from a usual service, which is what I expected from a church like Epicentre. 2 things I took from the service...

"Child of weakness watch and pray, find in Me thine all in all."

God said to me, "This isn't your burden to carry, it's mine."

Thank you Jesus for bearing our sins, burdens, unanswered questions, unfulfilled dreams, and hurts on the cross. Your grace and love means everything to me in this season.

It's been awhile

Wow. Exactly 4 years since my last post, I decide to blog. I didn't even plan that. Something made me come back and look at my old posts this past week and I was reminded of how pensive I used to be. Where did that pensive side of me go?

So much has happened since 4 years ago. I graduated nursing school and worked for 2.5 years with a nursing agency in Markham. I met and married my best friend and the love of my life. I moved to Southern California with him 7 months ago. I am now jobless and wondering what my purpose is here.

So much has happened... In the span of 6 months we got into 2 car accidents. One in Toronto, one in Claremont. Both times hit by a Korean person. Both times hit on the same place on the car. Both times we weren't hurt, thank God. Both times God turned a bad situation into great blessings.

We read Romans 8 today and discovered so many awesome truths. So great how going back to the Word can be so encouraging and uplifting.

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us.   Romans 8:18 NASB

It does seem like we are suffering right now. No job. Each time I hope for something it doesn't come through. We've hit so many roadblocks. But I always remember that things could be worse. God is still providing for us, giving us hope each day no matter how down I get. It's this hope I am clinging onto now. Even if that day of glory never comes, the Hope from God is enough to sustain me for the rest of my life. 

For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it.  Romans 8:24-25 NASB

on the bus

if there's a black person with with an empty seat beside them and an asian person with an empty seat beside them.. who would i sit beside? the asian.

i might be a little racist.

and today I will trust you with the confidence
of a man who's never known defeat
but tomorrow, upon hearing what I did
I will stare at you in disbelief
oh, inconsistent me
crying out for consistency

and I'll let it be known
at times I have shown
signs of all my weakness
but somewhere in me
there is strength

and you promise me
that you believe
in time I will defeat this
cause somewhere in me
there is strength

and today I will trust you with the confidence
of a man who's never known defeat
and I'll try my best to just forget
that that man isn't me

reach out to me
make my heart brand new
every beat will be for you
for you

and I know you know
you touched my life
when you touched my heavy heart and made it light

let it all out - relient k

this summer is going by way too fast... probably because it's been a busy one! holy cripes it's already end of july.

i was reminded today about something pam said a couple years ago. i believe i blogged about it then as well. you have to prove the spiritual in the normal. my house has been super dirty and i'd been putting off cleaning because i've been so busy. today i finally cleaned it and it felt good. i think having orderly/clean surroundings really allows me to feel good about life in general. it's not necessarily that if you have a clean house you'll have a clean life. as in.. there are still areas in my life that need cleaning up. but nothing beats that clean feeling...

proving the spiritual in the normal can mean many things. it can be as simple as having a clean room to being able to talk to a co-worker about your spiritual life.. and everything in between or beyond? can't think of more examples right now. i just know i have to do this. no more keeping spiritual things bottled up inside. gotta let it overflow...

but first i must be filled!

i was talking about favourite movies with some friends a couple weeks ago and going through the movies i own. came across a walk to remember. one of my old favourites. i think i watched it one too many times and it ruined it for me.. but after the conversation i had a hankering to watch it again so i did tonight. i think i love it again :P the "you're in 2 places at once" part still puts a big smile on my face :)

3 parts that always make me cry:
- when jamie visits landon to say sorry while he's working on his car
- the moment in the hospital between jamie and her dad
- when landon goes to his dad's house to say thank you and he's bawling in his dad's shoulder

AWTR is also the reason why i started to like switchfoot. 3 songs on the soundtrack with one that became my favourite sf song.. GREAT SOUNDTRACK.

i've seen a lot of movies a lot of times.. but this one might top them all. i can't even count. zoolander and nacho libre are up there too :P i watched garden state again a few weeks ago as well. maybe i should just revisit all my favourite movies for the heck of it!